Roll of Thunder, Hear my Call

Safe

martagwyn — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 17:10:09 +0000

The Coming Ice Storm

I’m safe in the knowledge that while storms literally do enter my life, I know I’ll come out on the other side of them better than when I entered, wiser for the experience and tougher for the things to come.

Recent Revelations

I started coming to peace over a lot of stuff the last couple days. One of which is that I’ve gotta stop being so prideful and ask for help that I know those who love me are more than willing to offer. I’m at a critical juncture in this doctoral journey and I can’t afford pride right now. I’m getting some great lessons in humility as well. My adviser gave me a book a few months back about how to finish a dissertation and whatnot. I finally started reading the book yesterday and thank God I did. It is wonderful seeing on paper so many of the things I’ve been feeling and strategies for addressing the issues. I figured out some of it on my own but there’s a lot that I didn’t think about regarding this process and now that I’m staring it plainly in the face I can admit that I didn’t know everything, I don’t know everything and I need to seek answers from those who do. I’m not a scatterbrain by nature. I have a gift for focus; however, I do reach a point where all work and no play makes me swing to the other extreme so I pray for greater balance in the things that I do.

Game Over

I actually terminated 2 of the 3 games I play on Facebook. That was hard, yo! It was the right thing to do though.

Footing the ‘Ville

I really am going to start a separate blog about my “Footing the ‘Ville” adventures but for now I’ll share this one. Yesterday, I walked the town stopping to write out my ideas and work on things related to my dissertation. When I got hungry, I stopped and at at Uncle Gaylord’s, when I needed a computer I wandered over to the public library. When I got tired of walking I hopped onto a bus and I carried my MP3 player with me the whole time. One of my favorite songs from yesterday was “Don’t Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down”. And I figured out something. On some days (most likely bad weather days) I’ll need to work from home. However, whenever the forecast predicts clear skies, I need to go to town and work. I’m blessed that there are places in addition to the university that I can go work and I need to take advantage of that.

The Recovering Hermit

Sitting in Gaylord’s yesterday made me realize something else. I’ve missed being around people. I mean, I’ve been at church and I’ve bumped into people in Walmart but I haven’t been eating out in cafes or sitting in the lobby of the public library listening to folks debate Christianity vs Judaism while enjoying a cup of Joe. I haven’t noticed some of the new construction popping up in odd places or businesses that have moved locations. I haven’t gotten my producer certification yet which is something I promised myself I would do. I haven’t been as active with my citizens group as I would like and I’d like that to change. I actually want my role to change in that too as a matter of fact.

I’m also thankful for my peace of mind. I think most doctoral candidates can relate to this with me that this is a crazy making time in our lives. Peace of mind is a big deal.

I’m thankful for the return of my creativity. She took a beating but praise God I think that dry season has passed. Even in the midst of it all I was blessed to write some incredible things but I was writing for my life and sanity and there was no joy in it, I was just trying to survive.

Peace Corps

Yeah, I’m thinking about it again. Only this time it’s in a “Not panicking but have time to really think about it” way. I’m not sure I’ve ever put this down in writing for real so I’ll do it now. In my heart of hearts I really want to go do two or three tours of duty with the Peace Corps (yes that’s 4 to 6 years). I want to spend 2 years in Central America, 2 years in South America and 2 years in Sub-Saharan Africa. I have dreamed about doing this for years and I think I finally have a good justification for it. I really could use 7 years as an HRD practitioner and I would get just that with the Peace Corps. Not to mention I would put a huge dent in my student loans by doing this and get some valuable experience abroad including the acquisition of a few languages. I still want to see the world and I think that the first couple of years after finishing my degree will be the best time I have to do that. Plus when I come back I can either pursue an academic career or do something with the state department or work with foundations that specialize in granting assistance to immigrant populations in the U.S. My goodness, the possibilities are numerous! Okay, I feel better now that I’ve written that out.

Puzzles

martagwyn — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:13:26 +0000

I’ve had the urge for the last couple of days to create puzzles. Not sure where that came from. Created a crossword last night out of today’s Sunday School lesson…yeah, that seems a bit strange to me but oh well.

I just realized I only cooked one thing today…but I did get to spend some quality girl time and wow was that ever necessary.

I feel like I’ve been warming up to write something all day but the pilot keeps misfiring LOL. Happens sometimes I suppose, but it is a bit frustrating. I guess I’m thinking about what I’m sure will be a very busy week. I’ve been cleaning and organizing things so that my work space can be just that (I don’t work well in chaos) and I’m almost there.

I think I need to break my work day up tomorrow…hmmm…ideas forming now

The Mysterious Stranger and Daily Living

martagwyn — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 13:11:59 +0000

I had a dream about a man I’ve never met before last night. That’s kinda strange because while I dream often (usually working through stuff even though I’m supposed to be resting) I don’t often dream dreams like this. Yeah, there’s more but I need to mull over that myself. LOL

Got my Angel Food order yesterday and then got to go out to play with my Sariahbee for a few hours. Great stuff!

Getting ready to publish my second book of poetry. This is gonna be interesting, it’s a book of love poems.

I need to get dressed and do something to this hair before church and the clock is ticking…I dunno, I’m kinda in a calm pocket right now so maybe I’ll give it another couple minutes…(slow spreading smile)

What if…

martagwyn — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:16:39 +0000

What if the reason God loves the heart of children who serve Him is because children don’t have to have lost something of feel obligated to serve God. They serve out of a sincere desire to please Him. Maybe that’s what we as adults have to learn to let go of…the “feeling of obligation” to serve God and remember what it was like to want to please Him without the expectancy of a reward. Would I long to serve God more if I were blind or had some form of handicap? Does it take me losing something I hold precious for me to understand that it was never mine to begin with, but His for me to serve with? What is there in my life that doesn’t serve to do God’s work? And if it doesn’t serve God’s work, what am I gonna do about getting rid of it?

The Storm

martagwyn — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 08:03:24 +0000

I woke up to beautiful strands of a wet symphony. Is it strange that I heard this storm in my spirit before the first drop hit true pavement? Water soothes me…it always has. I’ve got to get back to sleep but I just had to appreciate this simple, perfect moment and breathe with the windows of my mind wide open.

Dreams

martagwyn — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 03:25:42 +0000

Okay, so some important stuff has happened in my life over the past few months. One of the best things is that I finally self published my first book of poetry. It is a 10-piece collection of poems that I have worked on over the past 4 years complete with artistic renderings of my camera. I love it! Those I’ve shared it with love it. I’m kinda wondering why that “love” hasn’t translated into the purchase of the work but I guess that’s a different kind of love. I started to get a little discouraged that people weren’t responding with their pocketbooks to my beautiful brain child and then I had to check myself. In reflection I asked myself “Why did you do this, Marta?” In truth, I did it to hold myself accountable for living out a dream of mine which was to publish a volume of my own poetic utterances…and I did that. I’d love to make money off my writing but that isn’t really the reason I write so there’s no need to get upset about it. I’m an English major so I know first hand that oftentimes an artist’s work is not fully appreciated until long after said artist has gone on to meet her maker, though I hope that my writing can bless others while I’m yet keeping on. I’ve been blessed with a number of talents and I’m trying to figure out how to use them all while I have them to help others. It helps me sleep better at night to do so.

I have this term in my head that’s just floating around…”fractured soul” I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that…just needed to get it out.

I have a book of photographs that I want to work on publishing as well as another book of poetry that I plan on putting out in time for valentine’s day. This volume might require ice water…I’m just saying. lol Better get on that cause the day doth approach.

More change is on the way and I’m preparing to embrace it.

Boy, do I feel silly!

martagwyn — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:56:26 +0000

Okay, so the recent cold weather made me wanna holla…and I did. So of course I started looking for places to move to that are a good deal closer to the equator. Already I’ve hit a wall with that one. I could rip my tunic and don ashes crying, “Why Lord do you keep me in this stationary position rather than let me go someplace where I can be happier?” but frankly, I’m tired of riding that merry-go-round.

Let’s face facts:

I’m here for a purpose. I’m able to help out in my surrounding community with things. There are a growing number of things here that I’m interested in. It only really stays cold here for about 2 months out of the year and even then we get breaks of warmer weather.

So what am I complaining for and why do I feel the need to move so often?

In truth, I think a lot of it has to do with finances. If I had the financial resources to travel more often I don’t think I’d be so restless here up on this hill. I’m working on that. Really, I should say God is working on that cause of all the places I’ve been looking He brought something to my attention that I wasn’t even looking for and this opportunity has a good bit of promise.

I’m getting better at this whole patience game, but I’m not there yet. This recent reminder with my job search as well as in some other areas of my life re-enforce this for me. There’s more work to do, as always.

Marta-isms

martagwyn — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 19:54:37 +0000

“A cage is a coffin to a wild thing.”

“I practice patience, I’m not good at it yet.”

Make Every Day a Day of Thanksgiving

martagwyn — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 04:11:29 +0000

My grandparents are here visiting for the first time in 7 years and it is incredible to have them here. This one will be short because I’m really tired. I’m excited about my cousins coming down from Kansas City tomorrow. Ooohwee, I better lay it down for tonight so I can enjoy all this family love tomorrow! TG2 on the way…zoom!

Dancing and Running from Dogs

martagwyn — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:31:14 +0000

I had a dream last night and in it there were people coming and going, mostly women. We were outside and it was daylight and at some point I tried to remove myself from the hustle and bustle of all those women…I found an open field and remember noticing that the grass was mowed but yellow green with wilder looking grass slightly taller surrounding it. And I danced. I danced barefoot through this patch of earth until my lungs felt ready to burst and I felt joy. Then I noticed a mean looking dog coming at me and I had to run. It chased me for I don’t know how long but it never caught me. It was a black, mangy looking dog with big teeth and a big build. What’s that all about?